National statistics show us just how incredibly stressful and overwhelming Caregiving is. Your life can be spun out of control. Your job can be compromised, and your family can suffer when you are stressed out, trying to be everything to everyone.
Taking care of YOU through the process of caring for a parent, isn’t just “recommended.” It’s a MUST.
When you go camping, or on vacation, you make sure you have adequate clothes to pack, money to spend, and you are well prepared for the journey. Yet, somehow, so many caregivers I know tend to forget to “prepare” for the journey of caregiving a loved one. They tend to be the rope in the middle of a tug-a-war, with a lot of people pulling. They become exhausted, burned out, and “go down the rabbit hole.”
The number one thing to remember is that you cannot give to others from an empty vessel. You may have a family who depends on you, but you cannot give to them what you do not have from within yourself. Yes, your workplace needs you, and if you cannot sustain it all, something will have to give. It can also seriously impact your own health.
According to the National Alliance on Caregiving, close to 40% of unpaid family caregivers lose their jobs because they could not keep up the demands of both. Addiction and alcoholism are on the rise, and Heart disease and high blood pressure is twice the national average when it comes to family caregivers. They try to be superwoman or superman- but the thing is- none of us are.
Family caregivers need to understand that they should never lose themselves over their caregiving, and they need to stop feeling guilty when they do not “measure up” to the expectations of what others think they need to do for them. In other words, set healthy priorities and boundaries. It’s OK to say NO.
Here are some tips:
- Share the Load. If you have a senior loved one who depends on you, find ways to either share the load of looking in on your parent with your siblings, or find a reputable home care agency to visit a couple days per week, to offset your visits.
- Create a regular routine. If your loved one is in assisted living, even better. They have everything there that they need. Do not deter from your routine unless it is an emergency. I used to visit my mother Tuesday and Friday afternoons, and one day every other weekend. Sure, she would call me and ask me to do things on the off days. I simply said back to her that we would “visit the grocery store when I come on Tuesday.” I made a point to always defer back to the schedule. Soon she learned to respect it.
- Take one weekend per month and make it “your weekend.” Do things just for you. Fill your soul back up. If you cannot get family members to cover for you, then a reputable home care agency will.
- Get Connected to activities that fill your soul. Do you like the outdoors? Sign up for a hiking club. Do you like music? Buy season tickets to a concert or local theatre. The point is, do things that help you connect back into yourself again.
- Get enough sleep. I cannot emphasize this enough. You need a good night’s rest every night- no exceptions. This needs to be a top priority for you.
- Breathe! Eat right and exercise! Let your body breathe in nourishment to sustain itself. That might only mean a walk around the block, but nevertheless, it is something for the day.
- Friends can be your lifeline. Let’s face it. Our parents sure know how to push our buttons, and unless we learn to deal with it, their little barbs and statements can fester inside of us. Ask your friends to help you in your caregiving by doing just one thing: Be involved in JOY in your life. That means laughing on the phone when times get hard. It might mean an afternoon of wine-tasting or a mini-vacation to a favorite destination. Have lunch together on a Saturday afternoon, or find activities to experience together.
- Anchor to the blessing of caregiving. Believe it or not, what you are doing is an incredible blessing, not only for your loved one, but also for you. I always used to say, “Caregiving was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but it was also my greatest privilege.” You get to connect to the special moments, and also, every single challenge and experience is working for your own personal growth and will mold your character for your future.
After your loved one is gone, I promise you, that you will have many sweet memories of the experiences that you had as a caregiver. For those of us who have walked this path, I don’t think any of us can say we are the same people as we were before. Caregiving will bring about a new dimension of yourself, and you will realize many new things about yourself through this process. Many of us emerge with new careers, new-found purpose and understanding. We know, that if you take good care of yourself, that you will get through this, and it will be an amazing journey!
