Finding new purpose and meaning in your life after your loved one passes away.
The day my mother took her last breath, part of me was in shock. Part of me felt denial. Part of me was sad. Part of me was relieved- but the biggest piece I felt was, “what do I do now?” I was lost in many ways.
To care for my mother, I had given up so many aspects of my life. I no longer had the career I used to have but was trying to find a new one. I had been so focused on her, that I couldn’t even go into a grocery store without thinking I had to buy the regular items for her that were always on my grocery list.
All of a sudden, I had free days — where they had been consumed by caring for her. It was a bizarre feeling to be in a space where the loss was so profound, and I didn’t have much of a sense of purpose moving forward.
Looking back now, I had also undergone a huge emotional metamorphous. I was a completely different person than I had been six years before. I realized more and more, that caregiving not only changed me, but I believe it changes all of us.
It’s normal to feel a sense of loss and emptiness after a loved one passes. When you are caregiving, there is also a sense of purpose that you lose. Your feeling of loneliness can be compounded with a lot of soul-searching. You might find that you truly need to find a new purpose in your life.
- If you are feeling that way, sit down and make a list of the ways that caring for your loved one made you feel. Did it make you feel like you were making a difference? Did you find that you were fulfilled by doing the work? Perhaps it was the feeling of being in service to others, or the improvement of the relationship that you may have had with your loved one. Find the things that you can connect to.
- Once you do so, look for things you are passionate about. For me, it was to use my marketing and communication skills to help seniors and their families. I kept seeing this vision in my head like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I had a passion to overcome the place in my life that I had sunken into. Not only did I want to help others, but I wanted to create meaning and fulfillment from what I went through. I am now also back involved, passionately working with Orca Conservancy to recover the endangered Southern Resident Killer Whales. I am blessed now to have the privilege to work every day on things I am passionate about.
For me, going back to the corporate world was not an option. There was no way I could move forward to and have a career without purpose and meaning. I looked for openings and ways to fulfill myself through my healing, as I grieved my mother’s passing.
I do believe that my caregiving experience allowed me to find new purpose and direction like never before. Today, it’s funny. I can almost feel both of my parents cheering me on for the work I do, and I have no doubt, it can for you too.
It may be a different feeling for you, but whatever it is, when your caregiving experience is behind you, I encourage you to take the time to discover how you can best use what you gained from it. Sit still and find an opening to something greater in your life. When you find it, chances are, the world will open up to you like it never did before.
Open yourself up to experience YOU in the things you are passionate about!
