If you are reading this, no doubt you are in the shoes I was in for six years as I cared for my own mother until she passed away in 2011. Today I look back and see how I began to find my own stride as her caregiver, and as a daughter that had concerns about my senior parent.
In the beginning of your parents’ aging years, we no doubt want to respect them and their own wishes. Yet, as they age, there will be new procedures, new laws to learn about, and new ways in which to view a parents’ care plan. You may not always agree with their wishes.
As their adult child, you will be placed with options and questions through many crossroads in their aging years.
- Should Mom and Dad stay home, or move into skilled care?
- When should we as a family have “the talk” with them?
- How often should I visit?
- What is my role when it comes to doctor visits?
- How can I be assured of my decisions that I am faced with?
- What kinds of resources should I seek out, and how do I determine what is the best choice for my senior parent?
My bet is that Mom and Dad want to stay independent in their home for as long as possible, but if you ignore their actual surroundings and don’t pay attention to the environment in their home it could result in accidents or falls that could be devastating to your parents’ quality of life.
Not long ago I received a phone call from a top eldercare expert, sharing with me a story that is still with me.
On a misty, rainy morning, a senior woman went out to her beloved garden, her walker as her support, she went through her morning ritual of visiting the garden’s surprises that arrived to greet her overnight.
She had walked that path so many times before. Pavers — dug deep into the grass as she made the trek she always had done, day after day. This morning it was different, experiencing an autumn rain; the air so fresh and clean. She entered her garden, only to have one leg of the walker get caught in an ivy bed. As she tried to pull it away, she lost her balance, causing her to fall.
Luckily she was not hurt, but she was unable to stand back up, and laid down on the ground in the rain for well over two hours until by a fluke, a utility person came to read her gas meter and saw her there! Had he not come that one day- which only happens once every other month; who knows how long it would have taken to find her until help would have come.
What profoundly sticks in my mind is how often we don’t realize just how many things could happen to our parents because we don’t think to notice the little things that could cause an accident.
Luckily for this sweet lady, her uneven paver path has now been replaced with concrete and guard rails. A bench now resides at her garden for her to sit. The ivy bed was taken out, and she now will have a safe place to walk, sit, and still enjoy her beloved garden. Next spring, the plan is to raise up the garden beds, improve the lighting and decking material to reduce risk of falling.
The great news is, that there are more options for seniors to Age in Place as ever. Home modifications can be made to reduce risks of accidents. Home Care can come in and help your parent with light housekeeping, daily chores, transportation, and meal preparation. There are new technologies emerging each and every day that provide peace of mind. These services can keep our parents at home much longer than they were able to before!
Therefore, I believe your role is to make sure that your parent’s home supports them. Your privilege to care for them gives you unique insights as to what makes them happy. Work collaboratively with them to find the right solutions.
Hopefully this will help you to determine if your parent’s Aging in Place is the right fit. If so, finding the financial resources to make that home safe should be top priority, and done by a qualified contractor, specifically in the bathroom and traffic areas in your parent’s home. A Reverse Mortgage can provide the funds to help make these modifications, hire these invaluable services, and bring you peace of mind.
In closing, quality of your parent’s life has a lot to do with advocating what they want for themselves. As their family, adult children need to understand that their choices may also not be ours. It’s about recognizing their values, their desires, and preserving their dignity.
Over time, you will learn to trust in your own heart and judgment when it comes to your parent’s quality of life.
Suzanne Perkins Newman is CEO and Founder of Answers for Elders.com.
