Alzheimer’s Speaks host Lori La Bey joins Suzanne to talk about caregiver happiness over the holidays.
Suzanne says, “There are so many things that a family caregiver goes through. Think about the world out there, think about how you are just seeing people coming and going, and yet there is that individual that not only is trying to make a happy holiday season for their family and their immediate family, they might have children at home. But if you’re caring for a loved one, a senior loved one or a spouse, there’s this whole new element of, not only do I feel the pressure for myself, but how do I make the holidays special for those that I love. And when you have someone that you’re caring for, that is not so easy.”
“We touched on some things in a previous show, how sometimes we forget to say thank you to those that we care about. But we also don’t probably recognize all of the sacrifices that they make over the holiday season. I would love to have you share your thoughts on what life is like for a typical family caregiver that is taking care of someone that they love. And how does that affect the holiday season for them?
Lori answers, “How are holidays for most people? They’re chaotic. There is so much stress of what it’s supposed to look like, how it’s supposed to be, and keeping up with the Joneses to begin with, and all of our schedules are too tight, from the very beginning, and now you’ve got to decorate, and buy gifts, and do all of those types of things. Then you add in a person who is caring for someone, and now they’re living two lives in their 24 hours. They have to fit in two different lives. It’s different than taking care of your kids that, as they grow older, you can let them go do this and go do that. Many times, you’re the person who has to go do that. Often, especially with our elders, you are picking up tasks that maybe you didn’t do before. Maybe they did all the driving, and now you have to do the driving. You are now responsible for all the finances, and you never paid the bills before. These are the things that people don’t think about. Or maybe they did all the cooking and the laundry, and now that’s added on to your plate, and you thought your life was pretty full before that.
“So you’re living your life for two people, and then you’re adding on all of these specialty kind of items for the holidays. On top of that, you have the guilt of how do I pull this off and not be in chaos? But yet how do I get some sleep, so so that I can carry out all of these things? I think there’s so many things that are overlooked by people, because it’s just taken for granted that they’re doing OK, because we put on that Stepford-wife smile, like we’ve got it under control, and then we walk away and roll our eyes, and want to scream, ‘We’re never gonna get this all done!’
“One is just appreciating how much is on somebody’s plate. We’re not in control of our schedules – that can change in a heartbeat. So you and I who aren’t caring for someone, we can have our little checklist, and at three we’re gonna do this, and then we’re gonna go meet friends for happy hour, and then we’re gonna go do this. A person who’s caring for someone else can have major catastrophes throughout the day. That might not seem like a lot, but they are a lot when you’re trying to squeeze them into one schedule.”
Learn more:
* Alzheimer’s Speaks: https://alzheimersspeaks.com
Answers for Elders is part of the SeniorResource Network: https://www.seniorresource.com/
