As most of you know I cared for my mother for the last six years of her life. Because of the many ups and downs in her life, it ultimately effected my own. At the time I was a single career woman and my finances became strained because I lost my six-figure job at the end of 2008, at the time of the huge stock market crash. With three more years until my mother would pass, I became financially desolate, losing my house, and depleting every bit of financial resource that I had. Being all consumed with her needs it was easy to push aside and ignore my own financial worries because of the more pressing physical and emotional demands of caregiving for her.
Needless to say, my life was way off balance. I was in a full reactionary mode, and the thing is, it just snuck up on me. At first, having a little less in my bank account as a result of caregiving didn’t seem like a big deal, but small deficits can grow over time and they most certainly did. Then, as my mother ran out of her own financial umbrella, I then had the pressure to provide for her for her needs. It was like a vacuum was sucking everything dry. My life was in a tailspin with no way to fix it.
Research shows that caregivers often deplete their own financial, mental and emotional resources. I know for me, I certainly did. Many caregivers sacrifice wages due to lost work time and tap into their own savings to ease stress on others, sometimes threatening their own financial security. For me, my 401K was gone. My financial picture was bleak. My world was on overwhelm. My days consisted of frustration, denial, and I started avoiding things in my life with the focus on her.
Denial and depression are common side effects of caregiving. I remember feeling like I was all alone in this, and I built up resentments to the rest of my family members. After all, their lives weren’t under siege like mine was, and yet, they literally did nothing to help ease the financial and emotional burdens I was carrying. I didn’t really realize what was happening because I was so used to just brushing it aside to care for her. The advice I wish I would have heeded most was the days long ago when in earlier years my mom would talk to me when I had been working long hours in my job, reminding me to take care of myself. I remember Dad telling me to give more thought to my own financial future…
If you are starting a journey as a caregiver, my advice to you is to remember that the people who love you most, the very ones you may be caring for, would never ask you to sacrifice your own well-being. Don’t give up your life, your job, your financial foundation, or your stability. Don’t sacrifice yourself to “save money” for Mom and Dad.
Who are family caregivers?
In the USA today, an estimated 43.5 million adults in the United States provide unpaid care for about 20 hours per week to an adult or child, and about 34.2 million of those Americans provide unpaid care to someone age 50 and older. Approximately 25% of that population cares for a loved one more than 40 hours per week according to a 2015 study from the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP.
That means, if you are working a full-time job, you are likely working another job in the care of a loved one. A typical family caregiver is a 49-year-old woman who takes care of a relative, but the study also finds that caregivers are becoming as diverse as the U.S. population. Sixty percent of caregivers are female, and 40 percent are male. Eight in 10 take care of one person.
Living in Greater Puget Sound and Seattle as we do, we also know that our cost of living is higher than the national average. No doubt, if you are a family caregiver the vice is tight. Your world can easily get consumed, and you can easily become burned out.
Women Caregivers at Higher Risk
A Rice University study found that women who are caregivers are 2.5 times more likely to live in poverty after retirement than women who are not family caregivers. Additional studies show that the average family caregiver spends approximately $5500 per year in direct caregiving expenses out of their own pocket.
And women are more likely than men to miss work or sacrifice earning power to be caregivers. According to the Social Security Administration, among new retired worker beneficiaries, women average 13 years of zero earnings after age 22.
Key Takeaways for Caregivers
- Recognize when you need help as a caregiver and when your loved one needs more help than you can give. Seek out this help BEFORE it is needed. If your loved one is without financial means, there are other options. Research local, national, government and nonprofit solutions. Be honest and stay true about your capacity and in what areas you and your loved one may need more assistance.
- You are not Superman or Wonderwoman. You need to realize that taking time to care for yourself is a good thing while caring for others. You can’t help others in a sustainable way if you are physically, mentally or emotionally stressed.
A Financial Self-Care Checklist for Caregivers
- Take a realistic look at your own financial stability. Create a budget for you and your loved one. Look for ways to cut expenses and boost saving, even if it is just a little bit each month or each week. Tuck away what you can in your retirement plan.
- Don’t take on new debt for yourself to be a caregiver. For me, I was out of the workplace for a long time and coming back after caregiving is over isn’t easy. Statistics show that you will likely go back to work with a lower salary, and while you are caregiving, your earning power will be cut. It may be very tempting to put expenses for a loved one or yourself on a credit card. If you do so, keep balances low and take advantage of low-interest offers. Rather than run the risk of high-interest credit card debt, look to community resources for help with lowering caregiving expenses. In King County you can seek out King County Aging and Disability Services. There are other resources in Western Washington to seek out depending on where you live.
- Consider the pros/cons before cutting or changing your work hours. Before leaving a full-time position, explore ways of working reduced hours or part-time hours with your employer. And keep an eye on your benefits. Will you lose benefits by leaving your job or changing your hours?
A part-time job with lower pay and lower benefits may be easier for you to juggle, but you’ll also need to rein in your budget quite a bit. Denying yourself too much can have consequences too. If possible, keep a small, just-for-fun fund to help keep your spirits up and give you quick cash for stress release. - Maintain and replenish your emergency funds. In the day-to-day stress of caregiving, dipping into savings is easy. I can almost guarantee that you will be overwhelmed at times and expenses will come up that you will have to address. Yet, you may regret it when you are on the other side of caregiving and looking to rebuild your own life.
- Don’t do what I did. Prioritize your own retirement savings. Keep contributing to your retirement accounts as a caregiver, even if it is just a small amount each month. If you dipped into a 401(k) or individual retirement account to pay for caregiving expenses, work on rebuilding your fund. Many caregivers take hardship withdrawals and loans from retirement accounts to cover gaps, but the penalties often are not worth the money. Unless you really don’t have other options, leave your own retirement savings alone.
- Prepare now for your own aging. Purchase long-term care insurance for yourself or a Life Insurance policy with a long-term Care conversion. Make sure for your own life that you have a medical power of attorney, a will and a living will, and that a trusted ally knows where and how to access all your account information (numbers, passwords, bill pay) in case you become suddenly incapacitated as well.
Above all, look for support. Talk to your other family members and relatives. Be honest. This is not the time to be prideful. It is not the time to hide the financial stress that you are enduring. Take a real evaluation of what your caregiving will do to you financially. If you need financial support have a discussion on how to make that happen. Even if family members can only afford to contribute $50 a month, in the world of caregiving it can mean a trip to the grocery store, a dinner out with your loved one, or a tank of gas.
I truly believe that family members want to be included in being a part of the support of their senior loved ones. I also believe that by coming together and being honest with what is in front of you that you all will get along better when times get harder. Stay open in your communication and be a bridge to one another. This road isn’t easy, but you will do better by coming together than splitting yourselves apart over money issues.
