Most often when Mom and Dad need care, it doesn’t come gradually. We may, as their son or daughter have to put our own lives on hold to deal with a major change for our parent. We may not realize the task that we are taking on, and all the little pieces that are around it.
I will never forget the day I “became a family caregiver.” It was in the spring of 2005. I was sitting in a conference room conducting a sales meeting when the receptionist of the company I work for interrupted the meeting to tell me that I had an emergency phone call from my home town- about 2 hours away. I had to rush home, grab a few items, make calls to make accommodations for my pets for a couple of nights, and BAM! I walked into the hospital where my mother had broken her pelvis. I really had no idea what specifically I had fallen into, but I was in it and I realized that life for me was about to change drastically.
If you work for an employer, you are entitled to family leave through the Family Medical Leave Act. They cannot deny you the time off, nor will they be able to demote you or fire you. The law protects your position and your ranking in the company you work for. Therefore, be in contact with your human resource team about the situation at hand. You will likely have to face the fact that you will be off for a while.
This isn’t a quick fix. It took me far longer than I ever realized to make the changes necessary my life to arrange for the care of my mom. Sit down with your immediate family. Your spouse, your children, etc. Talk to them about the future, and what your role will likely be. According to national statistics, an adult child with a senior parent spends a minimum of 20 hours per week in caregiving. That means working together to help you in this role. Make sure that your family understands the undertaking that you are about to take.
Make sure that the legal papers are in order. Does your parent have their legal papers in order? Make sure there is a Power of Attorney document for a Healthcare Directive and Financial Attorney in Fact, if something happens that your parent is ever incompetent to make their decisions on their own. As their adult child who is taking care of your loved one, make sure that all of their financial documents are reviewed by an Elder Law Attorney.
Anticipate Care Costs. National Statistics show that close to 50% of our seniors today outlive their financial assets. The cost of senior care is high, and sadly, our healthcare system in this country doesn’t pay for what it should. It’s likely that they will need to go on some sort of financial assistance program- whether it be Veteran’s Aid and Attendance benefits (if they or their spouse served in the military during war time) or Medicaid. If they do, their finances will need to be looked at for up to 5 years to get them qualified. Having conversations with the Elder Law Attorney can help you help them in financial management that will make these processes easier for them.
Finally, Take Care of YOU. It is easy to get caught up in always “being there” for your senior loved one, that you forget to take care of yourself. Set a firm schedule for visiting your loved one. 2-3 days per week should be more than adequate once they are settled, and don’t lose yourself through this. Take one day per month just for you.
