The month of November can be overwhelming for a family member caring for a loved one. It’s the time when planning for the holiday season takes place, and the timeclock seems to move faster and faster every year when Thanksgiving and Christmas is upon us.
I remember the days when caring for my own mom, I would overstress about so many details that I believed would be important to her- from the menu, the people there, and I wanted every single thing to be perfect. What I eventually learned is that what was most important to her was simply spending time together. I put the pressure on myself because I felt like I had to, and boy was I wrong!
Looking back on those times I see now how many unrealistic and unnecessary expectations I put upon myself and on others. It wasn’t a healthy dynamic to set in place for anyone in my family, and it set up a foundation to add to further disappointment from my own family and anticipation for the holiday season.
How can you have a great holiday while caring for a loved one?
First of all, my number one piece of advice is to simplify. Don’t overwhelm yourself or your family with a lot of details. The main thing for any senior loved one is to create a holiday where those in the family have adequate time to share together. With a senior loved one, it may mean just an afternoon of looking through old picture albums or sharing holiday memories around the Christmas tree.
Dot-Com Simplification:
Simplifying also means doing holiday shopping online! Help your senior loved one make purchases as they desire much more easily than having to navigate stores. I am a very strong proponent for Amazon Prime- where you never have to pay for shipping, and when things come to you in a matter of hours sometimes! It is a great way for your senior loved ones to find items without the physical stress and strain, and it is easier on you when it comes to time commitments.
Holiday Visits
If you are planning on traveling a short distance to another family member’s home (or your own), make sure you do your homework up front as to where your senior loved one will be sitting, walking both inside and outside, and the path to the bathroom, making sure that they can easily navigate any entry issues to get into the home. Arrange for a parking place close to the entry door.
If your loved one lives in retirement or assisted living, make sure you check in with the nurse’s station to bring any prescription medications with you to take that may be needed during your outing. You may also wish to bring with you any sort of incontinence supplies or a change of clothes in case of an accident. If your loved one has mobility issues, being in a strange place can cause physical stress. Ask to borrow a wheelchair for an afternoon. In most cases, retirement living communities have them on hand for you to borrow as needed.
Visiting your loved ones:
If your senior loved one stresses out much too much to make a holiday trip, then take the time to visit them in their own home and bring a holiday celebration to them. I have a senior friend who I am close to, and she has chosen during the holidays to spend an afternoon with each one of her kids separately. It is actually better for her, that she doesn’t have to navigate stairs and be in a crowded area with others, and she can have quality time with each one of her three kids over the season. To her, she gets three holidays, and they are all extra special because it involves one-on-one time with her adult children.
During the Holiday Celebrations
If seniors even have slight mobility challenges where you are bringing them to for the holidays, make sure the space is adequate for them to function in. That means solid railings on stairways, picking up throw rugs, and having a chair that they can easily sit and stand in- not too low. Also pay attention to lighting. Don’t lower the lights so low that they cannot easily see where they are walking, including hallways and dining areas as well.
Make sure that everyone in the family has their own time with your senior loved one. Facilitate ways for them to connect and help your family members understand your loved one’s limitations. If they are hard of hearing, help your family members by coaching them to speak up and a bit more slowly. Keep background music very low or off. The more your family understands, the easier it will be on everyone involved.
If you are having a meal together, be up front about dietary requirements. Seek out ways for your loved one to enjoy a meal that will be easy for their digestion and health guidelines. Sometimes it’s also great to experience a family traditional meal together.
Realize also, that sometimes a short visit is sufficient. We may want to celebrate the day all day long, but likely for an older adult, a 2-3 hours is about all they will want to participate before going home.
In closing, we applaud you for opening your hearts to your senior loved ones during the holidays, and we also encourage you to seek out seniors in your own neighborhood who may be alone during the holiday season. Looking in on and finding ways to celebrate with them will not only be a blessing for them, but I promise you, it will make your own holiday season that much more meaningful.
Above all, have fun, hold each other close, and choose peace for your loved ones, your family, and most importantly, yourself.
