– And welcome back everyone to Answers for Elders for Elders Radio Network. And this hour has flown by that we are to wrap it up, and I’m here with Rebecca Bomann from SASH Services. And Rebecca, these are wonderful tips, and you have one last one on helping those that have Alzheimer’s and dementia.
– Absolutely. So we’ve been talking about kind of the journey leading up to mom or dad leaving, not trying to pack up the home, finding a good place for them to move, to having the legal paperwork in order, getting professionals that are experienced in this.
Now that mom or dad is placed in their new community, they’re settling in, there’s likely going to be some adjustment period. They may be upset, they may be disoriented a little bit, they may push back, and it’s okay. It takes a few weeks and a couple of months for mom or dad to settle in, so don’t expect them to love it and be super excited within a couple of days of being there. It takes a while, and I’ve seen some adult children get pretty beat up with guilt and anguish over having to take mom or dad out of their home, because they knew mom or dad wanted to stay there. That goes back to what we talked about in the first segment, you were given the authority as power of attorney because you are going to make the best decisions for them, and you have to trust yourself that you are doing what’s best for them.
So then you turn back to “Okay, now we’ve got this home that we need to sell. We need to sell it to pay for mom or dad’s care. What should we do with it?” Hopefully you’ve picked out a really sensitive, experienced, caring realtor to help you with that, and the important thing is not to bite off more than you can chew as far as getting the home ready for market. A lot of well-intentioned families go, “Let’s renovate the kitchen, let’s build a deck, let’s tear down this wall and open up the basement, or all these things. Your first and most important job, that really no one else can do as well as you, is being that power of attorney and caregiver for your loved one. Other people can work on the house, other people can take care of it, and you don’t necessarily have to have the house be like HGTV in order to sell it. If it’s clean, if it’s empty, if there’s not major repairs to be done, it’s okay if you have pink tile in the bathroom, it’s okay if you have avocado counters in the kitchen, it’s okay if you have a shag rug in the family room. The house will still sell. Save your energy and strength, because you need it for the long haul of being the caregiver and power of attorney.
– Yeah, that’s so valuable because there’s little things that can be done for a house, but you guys can do those things for them. And that’s the beauty of a program like yours, that really set you apart from everybody else. And that’s why we love working with you for sure.
– Thank you. Yeah. We love coming in and saying to the family, we got the house sale, we got it. You’re good. You can focus on taking care of mom or dad. We’ll take it from here. So we come in, and we bring in experienced professional downsizers, who can sort through all of the things in the home, set aside those sentimental things like photos, and letters, and photo albums, and yearbooks, and wedding dresses, itemize the things that can be monetized to help pay for mom or dad’s care, empty out the home, and then we’re a licensed general contractor, so we can come in and do some light updates, or repairs, or a big renovation to help the home sell for top value. Once again, we’re not doing this with the help of the son or daughter. We don’t want them to have to take that on — we’re doing this for them. They can be in another state, another country, they’ve delegated this to us. And then we also have the cash advance, and I think you are talking about how critical that is, because if there is that emergency or it comes to that point where mom cannot be in her home another week, it’s not paid for her, but how do we pay for her care?
– A lot of times they’re having to move out of their home because they don’t have money. They’ve run out of money, and yet they’re cut moving into a care facility where they have to come up with first and last rent, plus community fees and all kinds of things. And sometimes it’s like $10,000 to $15,000 just to move in.
– So how in the world are we gonna pay for moving fees if Mom’s home hasn’t sold yet? Well, because SASH was designed to be a service that specifically takes care of the needs of seniors and their families, we started providing cash advances over a decade ago, and so we give the family a cash advance on the future net proceeds of mom or dad’s home sale, sometimes $10,000, $45,000, up to $75,000, and even more. So they go, “Okay, we have the funds to pay for mom’s care. We can wait for the home to get readied and put on the market and sold.”
– I can pay to have my closet fitted so I can get more use in my storage space in my assistant living. I can buy a new smaller table for my kitchen. I can buy a smaller bed, because I have a king-size bed,. So those are little things that can be done that you don’t feel like you’re just panicked.
– And that cash advances that lifeline, and also it doesn’t require any credit check on the part of our clients or their families. We arrange for it, so it’s not coming up on anyone’s credit, and we want to provide that solution so they can just focus on their role as caregiver for mom or dad, and then hand the home sale over to us. And so I always say, build a team of professionals around you who know what they’re doing. Let other people handle it. Hire professional downsizers, hire some who can do a great job selling mom or dad’s home. Don’t try to take on all the tasks yourself, because if you burn out, you’ll be no good to your mom or dad who needs you.
– It’s a huge mental and emotional adjustment for your loved one and you’re best served being there for them, and through this time, not to be out painting the wall or something like that. You have to understand what’s most important for your role. One of the things that I always tell caregivers is sometimes you just have to sit down and breathe, take care of yourself. And that means sometimes having to set boundaries and learning to adjust to your schedules so that you’re still being served and realize that you’re not the end all. And part of that is the delegation process, which I love how you’re saying. There’s only so much you can do and this is not a one person job.
– It’s not a one person job. And part of that delegation is asking the assisted living community or adult family home to step in and be that caregiver where mom or dad thought you were gonna come by every hour, where now you’re in a place where those people will take care of you. And that takes adjustment as well, for mom or dad to know these are my caregivers and I can lean on them. As the caregiver, as the power of attorney, if you are going through this and you have a mom or dad, grandma, grandpa, auntie or uncle, and you’re the one, you’ve got to surround yourself with support. There’s caregiver support groups. There are some online, you don’t have to drive somewhere, there’s Zoom support groups, there’s books and podcasts, there’s Answers for Elder. Surround yourself with resources, with people who affirm you, who will understand the responsibility that you’re carrying. Hopefully you have a boss that gives you that flexibility when you need to do something in the middle of the day, and take good care of you, because your loved one needs you to be here. They may have dementia for eight years. This maybe a long journey.
– The other piece of this that I’m going to add is you actually want to start transitioning yourself away from the community and let your loved one adjust. I know that when I first put my mom i assisted living, and I was so wound up that every day after work I was over there, and I think it was the executive director who told me as long as your mother thinks you’re coming every day, she’s not going to integrate herself into the community. So she told of me, I want you to go home, and I don’t want you to come back for a week. And I was like, a whole week? She goes, I am telling you, your mom will be fine, and and we got this. And the first couple of days was like torture for me, because I felt guilty. But the good news about it was that I finally was able to say it’s okay to set some boundaries. It’s okay for me to come on certain days of the week, and that helps with the whole process. So I am so grateful that you’re talking about this. This is this is important stuff.
– This is important. It affects millions of people around the country who have senior loved ones in their life who have dementia or Alzheimer’s, and so this has been just a piece of all the things there are to talk about. But we appreciate your listeners joining us today, and hopefully they got some support and tips and guidance about navigating the home sale when their senior loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s.
– I want to close today to say that SASH is totally not only your loved one’s advocate, but it’s the power of attorney and the caregiver’s advocate as well. They’re your partner. You are their partner, and and that’s the thing — you are there to handle whatever they need. And so, Rebecca, we’re so glad to have you on the program. Every time you come on, this is a really powerful, powerful conversation, and I know just from my experience of the people that have worked with you, you guys are amazing. How often do I get asked, are they really for real? They’ll do all this stuff for us? And I say, yes, they’re really for real. So I couldn’t strongly recommend you more, and so grateful that you’re out there for our families.
– Thank you, Suzanne. It’s been great to have this conversation with you here and reach out to a broader swath of families and caregivers that need support.
– You can find Rebecca online. Why don’t you give us contact information right now?
– Absolutely. We have an extensive website at https://www.sashservices.com/, just like it sounds, and a toll free number, 888-400-7274.
– Wonderful, and I love talking to you, Rebecca and until next time everyone, we look forward to having her back. But please check out Rebecca’s podcasts on Answers for Elders. She’s got a bunch of content. If you’re looking to sell a house, or transition, or downsize, or right size, or whatever, I really strongly recommend that you pay some attention to what Rebecca has to say. She will be your greatest asset moving forward. So thanks for being with us today.
