Excerpted from The Advocate’s Heart by Suzanne Newman
If you are not the primary caregiver for your senior loved one, it is my hope that you will see things from a caregiver perspective, and gain a deeper appreciation for the sacrifices that your family member is making, not only for your loved one, but for your entire family. Family members do not understand what caregivers are experiencing. Caregivers often feel unseen, unappreciated, and unacknowledged for the sacrifices they are making.
Family members, try to see life from the perspective of the caregivers. Caregivers are likely in over their heads, hanging on by a thread. They may lose their patience quicker, have a shorter fuse than usual, and generally not have the demeanor you expect from them.
You may not give it another thought, but as your parent fails, additional responsibilities will fall on caregivers. Not only are you there for your elder loved one, you should also be there to support your family caregiver.
Caregivers need love, support, and understanding. They are 2.5 times more likely to live in poverty as a result of their caregiving, and it costs them on average over $5,500 per year in out-of-pocket expenses.
Any kind of support you can give — even if you don’t have time, or are too far away — is helpful. After all, your family member is giving your loved one likely 20+ hours per week of his or her time. They are making daily sacrifices for your entire family.
What can you and your family do? Here are some ideas on supporting them:
- Schedule a weekly family call, and let the caregiver speak first. It’s important that they are heard.
- Set up a family caregiver account that you can all deposit money into on a monthly (or regular) basis. Ease the financial burden of your caregiver.
- Hire a housecleaning company to come in and clean for your elder loved one and your caregiver.
- Send a bouquet of flowers or cards, “just because.”
- Find ways to share in the load. If you live close, make sure you take days and give your caregiver time off.
- Surprise them with a weekend off. Book them a hotel room someplace within driving distance.
- Take them out for lunch, dinner, or a fun outing.
- Support them and help when it comes to family gatherings.
- Even if you don’t agree with their choices in the care of your loved one, don’t cast blame on them. They are doing the best they can under the circumstances.
- Be consistent. If you pledge support to them of something every month, whether it be a day off, a financial contribution, or a service brought into their home, don’t stop without communication as to why. Remember, they are living a world of unpredictability. They don’t need the unreliability of their family members.
The Advocate’s Heart by Suzanne Newman is available through this link at Amazon.com.
