Real Estate

Seniors who are moving into a smaller home or a retirement facility need a real estate agent involved. Seniors Real Estate Specialists (SRESs) are specifically qualified to address the needs of home buyers and sellers over age 50.

The certification of SRES prepares realtors to anticipate the various financial and emotional needs of a senior move, which can be stressful. They are more aware of ideal properties; or modifications necessary to a specific property that will accommodate seniors’ changing health and mobility issues over time.

Services

SRESs are familiar with how to use specific financial assets to purchase a home:

• a 401(k) or IRA
• taxes that are associated with this type of purchase

Often, an SRES works with a small network of trusted senior specialists, and can refer

• an Elder Law Attorney
• a contractor specialized in accessibility remodels
• design
• an appropriate retirement home
• external materials such as ramps and rails

Specialization

The SRES designation is received after completing an intensive education course. The Realtor must:

• be in good standing with the National Association of Realtors
• attend specified training and complete a two-day course
• pass a comprehensive exam with a score over 80%.

Preparation

Know as much as possible about the financial condition of your senior:

• Cash for a down payment on a new home
• Initial fees required for independent/retirement living
• Dollars to hire help for sorting/selling/discarding, etc. of items
• What condition is the mortgage:
• paid off
• payments being made and are current
• second mortgage
• reverse mortgage
• Health attributes much to real estate decisions. What is the future prognosis?
• Describe specific physical/mental/emotional needs forcing the downsize/move.
• Define the optimal timing of the move.
• What resources are available for the move?

Evaluation

• Look for one in good standing with the National Association of Realtors and SRES Council.
• How many years in business? How long has the business focused on seniors?
• How many senior moves have been conducted? Please describe them.
• Describe the marketing plan to be used for my parents home.
• Describe the home modifications/improvements recommended to generate top dollar.
• Provide 3 referrals.
• Describe your associated network. How will this benefit the process?

Real Estate Radio Show Segments

• Tips to Facilitate a Senior Home Sale, Part 4

  Suzanne is joined by Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services (Sell a Senior Home), to talk about how to best facilitate a home sale with a loved one who is there with Alzheimer’s or dementia. Previous segments have talked about the journey leading up to mom or dad leaving, not trying to pack up the home while they’re still living there, finding a good place for them to move, and having the legal paperwork in order, as well as surrounding yourself with experienced professionals.

  Rebecca says now it’s time for you as the caregiver to delegate the home sale. “The important thing is not to bite off more than you can chew as far as getting the home ready for market. Your first and most important job, that really no one else can do as well as you, is being that power of attorney and caregiver for your loved one. Other people can work on the house, and you don’t necessarily have to have the house be like HGTV in order to sell it. If it’s clean, if it’s empty, if there’s not major repairs to be done, it’s okay if you have pink tile in the bathroom, it’s okay if you have avocado counters in the kitchen, it’s okay if you have a shag rug in the family room. The house will still sell. Save your energy and strength, because you need it for the long haul of being the caregiver and power of attorney.

  “We love saying to the family, we’ve got the house sale. We’ll take it from here. So we come in, and we bring in experienced professional downsizers who can sort through all of the things in the home, set aside those sentimental things like photos, and letters, and photo albums, and yearbooks, and wedding dresses, itemize the things that can be monetized to help pay for mom or dad’s care, and empty out the home. Then, we’re a licensed general contractor, so we can come in and do some light updates, or repairs, or a big renovation to help the home sell for top value. Once again, we’re not doing this with the help of the son or daughter. We don’t want them to have to take that on — we’re doing this for them. They can be in another state, another country — they’ve delegated this to us.

  “Because SASH was designed to be a service that specifically takes care of the needs of seniors and their families, we started providing cash advances over a decade ago. And so we give the family a cash advance on the future net proceeds of mom or dad’s home sale, sometimes $10,000, $45,000, up to $75,000, and even more. It doesn’t require any credit check. We arrange for it, so it’s not coming up on anyone’s credit, and we want to provide that solution so they can just focus on their role as caregiver for mom or dad, and then hand the home sale over to us. So I always say, build a team of professionals around you who know what they’re doing.

  “Moving is a huge mental and emotional adjustment for your loved one, and you’re best served being there for them, not to be out painting walls. One of the things that I always tell caregivers is, “Sometimes you just have to sit down and breathe, take care of yourself.”

  Learn more at SASH Services or call 888-400-7274. Also check out SASH’s resources at AFE’s website.

  Lead image © Can Stock Photo / docent

  Transcript

  – And welcome back everyone to Answers for Elders for Elders Radio Network. And this hour has flown by that we are to wrap it up, and I’m here with Rebecca Bomann from SASH Services. And Rebecca, these are wonderful tips, and you have one last one on helping those that have Alzheimer’s and dementia.

  – Absolutely. So we’ve been talking about kind of the journey leading up to mom or dad leaving, not trying to pack up the home, finding a good place for them to move, to having the legal paperwork in order, getting professionals that are experienced in this.

  Now that mom or dad is placed in their new community, they’re settling in, there’s likely going to be some adjustment period. They may be upset, they may be disoriented a little bit, they may push back, and it’s okay. It takes a few weeks and a couple of months for mom or dad to settle in, so don’t expect them to love it and be super excited within a couple of days of being there. It takes a while, and I’ve seen some adult children get pretty beat up with guilt and anguish over having to take mom or dad out of their home, because they knew mom or dad wanted to stay there. That goes back to what we talked about in the first segment, you were given the authority as power of attorney because you are going to make the best decisions for them, and you have to trust yourself that you are doing what’s best for them.

  So then you turn back to “Okay, now we’ve got this home that we need to sell. We need to sell it to pay for mom or dad’s care. What should we do with it?” Hopefully you’ve picked out a really sensitive, experienced, caring realtor to help you with that, and the important thing is not to bite off more than you can chew as far as getting the home ready for market. A lot of well-intentioned families go, “Let’s renovate the kitchen, let’s build a deck, let’s tear down this wall and open up the basement, or all these things. Your first and most important job, that really no one else can do as well as you, is being that power of attorney and caregiver for your loved one. Other people can work on the house, other people can take care of it, and you don’t necessarily have to have the house be like HGTV in order to sell it. If it’s clean, if it’s empty, if there’s not major repairs to be done, it’s okay if you have pink tile in the bathroom, it’s okay if you have avocado counters in the kitchen, it’s okay if you have a shag rug in the family room. The house will still sell. Save your energy and strength, because you need it for the long haul of being the caregiver and power of attorney.

  – Yeah, that’s so valuable because there’s little things that can be done for a house, but you guys can do those things for them. And that’s the beauty of a program like yours, that really set you apart from everybody else. And that’s why we love working with you for sure.

  – Thank you. Yeah. We love coming in and saying to the family, we got the house sale, we got it. You’re good. You can focus on taking care of mom or dad. We’ll take it from here. So we come in, and we bring in experienced professional downsizers, who can sort through all of the things in the home, set aside those sentimental things like photos, and letters, and photo albums, and yearbooks, and wedding dresses, itemize the things that can be monetized to help pay for mom or dad’s care, empty out the home, and then we’re a licensed general contractor, so we can come in and do some light updates, or repairs, or a big renovation to help the home sell for top value. Once again, we’re not doing this with the help of the son or daughter. We don’t want them to have to take that on — we’re doing this for them. They can be in another state, another country, they’ve delegated this to us. And then we also have the cash advance, and I think you are talking about how critical that is, because if there is that emergency or it comes to that point where mom cannot be in her home another week, it’s not paid for her, but how do we pay for her care?

  – A lot of times they’re having to move out of their home because they don’t have money. They’ve run out of money, and yet they’re cut moving into a care facility where they have to come up with first and last rent, plus community fees and all kinds of things. And sometimes it’s like $10,000 to $15,000 just to move in.

  – So how in the world are we gonna pay for moving fees if Mom’s home hasn’t sold yet? Well, because SASH was designed to be a service that specifically takes care of the needs of seniors and their families, we started providing cash advances over a decade ago, and so we give the family a cash advance on the future net proceeds of mom or dad’s home sale, sometimes $10,000, $45,000, up to $75,000, and even more. So they go, “Okay, we have the funds to pay for mom’s care. We can wait for the home to get readied and put on the market and sold.”

  – I can pay to have my closet fitted so I can get more use in my storage space in my assistant living. I can buy a new smaller table for my kitchen. I can buy a smaller bed, because I have a king-size bed,. So those are little things that can be done that you don’t feel like you’re just panicked.

  – And that cash advances that lifeline, and also it doesn’t require any credit check on the part of our clients or their families. We arrange for it, so it’s not coming up on anyone’s credit, and we want to provide that solution so they can just focus on their role as caregiver for mom or dad, and then hand the home sale over to us. And so I always say, build a team of professionals around you who know what they’re doing. Let other people handle it. Hire professional downsizers, hire some who can do a great job selling mom or dad’s home. Don’t try to take on all the tasks yourself, because if you burn out, you’ll be no good to your mom or dad who needs you.

  – It’s a huge mental and emotional adjustment for your loved one and you’re best served being there for them, and through this time, not to be out painting the wall or something like that. You have to understand what’s most important for your role. One of the things that I always tell caregivers is sometimes you just have to sit down and breathe, take care of yourself. And that means sometimes having to set boundaries and learning to adjust to your schedules so that you’re still being served and realize that you’re not the end all. And part of that is the delegation process, which I love how you’re saying. There’s only so much you can do and this is not a one person job.

  – It’s not a one person job. And part of that delegation is asking the assisted living community or adult family home to step in and be that caregiver where mom or dad thought you were gonna come by every hour, where now you’re in a place where those people will take care of you. And that takes adjustment as well, for mom or dad to know these are my caregivers and I can lean on them. As the caregiver, as the power of attorney, if you are going through this and you have a mom or dad, grandma, grandpa, auntie or uncle, and you’re the one, you’ve got to surround yourself with support. There’s caregiver support groups. There are some online, you don’t have to drive somewhere, there’s Zoom support groups, there’s books and podcasts, there’s Answers for Elder. Surround yourself with resources, with people who affirm you, who will understand the responsibility that you’re carrying. Hopefully you have a boss that gives you that flexibility when you need to do something in the middle of the day, and take good care of you, because your loved one needs you to be here. They may have dementia for eight years. This maybe a long journey.

  – The other piece of this that I’m going to add is you actually want to start transitioning yourself away from the community and let your loved one adjust. I know that when I first put my mom i assisted living, and I was so wound up that every day after work I was over there, and I think it was the executive director who told me as long as your mother thinks you’re coming every day, she’s not going to integrate herself into the community. So she told of me, I want you to go home, and I don’t want you to come back for a week. And I was like, a whole week? She goes, I am telling you, your mom will be fine, and and we got this. And the first couple of days was like torture for me, because I felt guilty. But the good news about it was that I finally was able to say it’s okay to set some boundaries. It’s okay for me to come on certain days of the week, and that helps with the whole process. So I am so grateful that you’re talking about this. This is this is important stuff.

  – This is important. It affects millions of people around the country who have senior loved ones in their life who have dementia or Alzheimer’s, and so this has been just a piece of all the things there are to talk about. But we appreciate your listeners joining us today, and hopefully they got some support and tips and guidance about navigating the home sale when their senior loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s.

  – I want to close today to say that SASH is totally not only your loved one’s advocate, but it’s the power of attorney and the caregiver’s advocate as well. They’re your partner. You are their partner, and and that’s the thing — you are there to handle whatever they need. And so, Rebecca, we’re so glad to have you on the program. Every time you come on, this is a really powerful, powerful conversation, and I know just from my experience of the people that have worked with you, you guys are amazing. How often do I get asked, are they really for real? They’ll do all this stuff for us? And I say, yes, they’re really for real. So I couldn’t strongly recommend you more, and so grateful that you’re out there for our families.

  – Thank you, Suzanne. It’s been great to have this conversation with you here and reach out to a broader swath of families and caregivers that need support.

  – You can find Rebecca online. Why don’t you give us contact information right now?

  – Absolutely. We have an extensive website at https://www.sashservices.com/, just like it sounds, and a toll free number, 888-400-7274.

  – Wonderful, and I love talking to you, Rebecca and until next time everyone, we look forward to having her back. But please check out Rebecca’s podcasts on Answers for Elders. She’s got a bunch of content. If you’re looking to sell a house, or transition, or downsize, or right size, or whatever, I really strongly recommend that you pay some attention to what Rebecca has to say. She will be your greatest asset moving forward. So thanks for being with us today.

• Tips to Facilitate a Senior Home Sale, Part 3

  Suzanne is joined by Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services (Sell a Senior Home), to talk about how to best facilitate a home sale with a loved one who is there with Alzheimer’s or dementia.

  Rebecca says,“Don’t start packing up the house and putting things in boxes while mom or dad is still living there. Give them the comfort of the familiarity of their own home the way they’ve always loved it. Avoid having them sitting with confusion, disorientation, and anxiety. Over and over again, they’ll have trauma and shock: what is happening to my home? Let it remain the safe, comfortable, and familiar place.”

  Rebecca shares stories from a good move and a bad move. “We just were assisting a family. Mom has early onset Alzheimer’s, and they found a place for her that is run by caregivers who actually speak her language. English isn’t her first language. They’re serving food that she grew up with, and they even speak the same dialect of the same language. Her family took a lot of care, they interviewed, they toured, they took their time. They were looking at a lot of different places, and they found a place where it is comfortable for mom. That was a well-done placement.

  “We are also helping another family where mom has dementia. The power of attorney went to a place, but didn’t vet it properly. Mom wasn’t examined properly. A lot of quick decisions were made. It was just assisted living. Her first night there, she walked out the front door and walked ten blocks by herself before she was finally found and picked up. It could have been disastrous, and the family had to hurry up and find the right kind of place for her. It was a second move, really disruptive, and traumatic for Mom.”

  “Work instead on finding that new place for mom and dad, and the placement of where to find that place for mom and dad to live is so important. You want to really take the time to do that well. Find the right place for them to move into, and then bring those familiar things over, and decorate their new place with it. Let their familiar surroundings follow them. Bring the photos, and the favorite quilt, and the favorite armchair, and the American flag that sits over there, their entertainment center, and get all of that set up.

  “I even had one client whose furniture was covered with gray tape. She was so frugal that she gray-taped her furniture. And when I moved her, she brought all of her gray-taped furniture with her. That was what was most familiar, and I wasn’t going to object. So let them bring the things that are familiar, and worn, and loved, and comforting, and really take the time to make sure the placement is appropriate for their care needs and their financial needs.”

  Learn more at SASH Services or call 888-400-7274. Also check out SASH’s resources at AFE’s website.

  Lead image © Can Stock Photo / monkeybusiness

  Transcript

  And welcome everyone back to Answers for Elders Radio Network with the Susanne and Rebecca Show today. We are here with Rebecca Bomann from SASH Senior Homesale Services, and Rebecca and I are talking about how to best facilitate a home sale with a loved one who is there with Alzheimer’s or dementia. And this is a whole specialized area that I’m so glad we’re talking about. So Rebecca, we have gone through, just to summarize, we’ve talked about two tips, and for those of you that missed it, it was in segment number two, and it was all about making sure your paperwork’s in order, and work with realtors that understand and that have experience, and I think that’s really the most important part. I love the fact that you interview them. So we get back tell us a little bit about what other tips you have up your sleeve.

  – So we’re talking about the home needing to get ready for sale, and sometimes gung-ho family members or loved ones will say, all right, we’ll be there Saturday, and they want to come in and start packing boxes, and taking things off walls, and packing up knickknacks while mom or dad is still living in the home. And so, my advice is, don’t change anything about the home. Let mom or dad have their transition into their new place, into their new apartment where their familiar surroundings will follow them. You can bring the photos and the favorite quilt and the favorite armchair, and the American flag that sits over there, their entertainment center, and get all of that set up, so that they’re not sitting with the confusion, and disorientation, and anxiety of why is my home being packed up, when it’s possible that they’re going to forget —

  – They’re gonna wake up and they’re going to see everything gone and it’s it’s crazy.

  – Over and over again, they’ll have that trauma and shock of what is happening to my home. And so I recommended to families don’t start the work in the home. Let it be the safe and comfortable and familiar place. Work instead on finding that new place for mom and dad, and the placement of where to find that place for mom and dad to live is so important. And there’s gonna be some gung-ho assisted living communities, or adult family homes, or retirement communities that will say, oh, it’s fine, she can move in here without really doing that full cognitive assessment or the full health assessment, or really measuring their independence. And I’ve seen families misplace mom or dad, meaning they put them into a building that is not enough care and it can actually be disastrous. And then you have to do a whole other move. And so you want to really take the time to do that well. And you have a story about this with your own mom, don’t you?

  – I do, I do, And you know that’s one thing I did do right. I did one thing right and one thing wrong when I moved my mom. She had mild dementia when we first moved her into assisted living, but she still had a little bit of dementia. What I did realize that I didn’t want her to be in the middle of all the boxes and all that stuff, so when we found her a place to live first, which was good, I negotiated with the senior living community that said, we will move in, but I want her to live in the guest unit for the first week, and I want you guys to comp that, and they did.

  – So that you could have that time to really set up her room right.

  – Yeah, and she was still paying her rent, obviously, because they had the money for her care. But the nice thing was, it was like she was on a vacation, and we did things with her. We would go to have lunch with her, kind of a great little bridge for her. So we’d take our lunch break, and we’d run down the road which was near her house, and we would sit there for her and we would have lunch and we would help her adjust. And so that was kind of what we did.

  What I did wrong was, and this is before I knew any better, I thought, I’m going to surprise my mom and I’m gonna buy her new furniture. And so I spent probably $5,000 out of my pocket. That’s when I was making a lot of money, and I bought her a new little couch, little love seat, and a chair, and a little dining table and a new dresser for her bedroom, because she had this big bedroom set, and so I did more of an upright dresser for her. It was a really bad decision because it wasn’t familiar. I didn’t realize how important that piece was. I should have known better, and I just didn’t. I thought, Oh, she’d be so excited to have all this new furniture.

  – And you had good intentions, yo did it from a big, generous heart. And who doesn’t want a big, you know, new set of furniture in an apartment, except for a senior who’s already feeling uprooted, they’re already feeling like things don’t look right around me. They’re not familiar, and so we incur families take as much over that is exactly what they’ve been looking at every day for the last 30 years.

  – And that’s the thing, it took her a while to adjust. She eventually did love the furniture, so I was lucky, but she still missed her chair. In the beginning it was like, where’s my chair? t’s like I’m living in in a resort, in a new place, sSo it took her probably longer to adjust had I not just brought her old furniture.

  – Yeah, so that is one tip: Make sure you find the place first, and then fill their new room or apartment with the things from home, and have it be ready and waiting for them. And just a couple of stories. We just were assisting a family right now actually whose home we’re going to sell for them. Mom has early onset Alzheimer’s, and they found a place for her that is run by caregivers who actually speak her language. English isn’t her first language, and so the caregivers speak her language. And not only that, they’re serving food that’s culturally appropriate that she grew up with. And they even speak the same dialect of the same language. So she’s been in home, and now her family, they took a lot of care, they interviewed, they toured, they took their time. They were looking at a lot of different places, and they found a place where it is comfortable for mom. She’s hearing her native language, she’s eating the food that she loves, and they’re providing great care. And that was a well-done placement, of finding a home.

  The opposite is we are also in the middle of helping a family where mom has dementia, also, and the power of attorney went to a place where they said, no problem, we can take care of her. They didn’t vet it properly. Mom wasn’t examined properly. A lot of quick decisions were made. It’s just an assisted living, Suzanne, and so Mom had her first night in this assisted living, and got up and walked out the front door, because nobody was there. It’s not locked, and she walked ten blocks by herself before she was finally found and picked up. It could have been disastrous, it could have been a terrible emergency, and they had to hurry up and find the right kind of place for her. And it’s the second move, really disruptive and traumatic for Mom.

  – And shame on the assisted living community for allowing that, because they should be assessing that person before they ever move in.

  – They should be assessing. There should be a lot of questions. It should be the right financial fit. And for people who are not independently wealthy, once they spend the money that they do have from the sale of their home or their own assets, they may need to go on Medicaid. And there are buildings that do not accept Medicaid, but they aren’t telling the family when the family is coming through and touring. So the family only has, you know, a $150,000 or $300,000 of mom’s money, and they don’t realize that once they’ve spent that, that community is going to ask them to leave, because their money is gone. And so asking those questions when you’re going in and touring, and sitting down, I always say to families, crunch the numbers. How much is mom getting a month, or how much is dad getting a month? How much does the community cost? How many months will this last?

  – And that goes back also to a good elder law attorney that can also point to if mom needs care, and maybe you’re a veteran, you may made qualify for veterans benefits, so that’s doing your paperwork. Your first tip, talking about going and seeing the right individual, because there will be resources available that you may not know about.

  – Exactly. So basically, to sum up our tip for this segment, don’t start packing up the house and putting things in boxes while mom or dad is still living there. Give them the comfort of the familiarity of their own home the way they’ve always loved it. Find the right place for them to move into, and then bring those familiar things over, and decorate their new place with it. And I even had a client: her furniture was covered with gray tape. She was so frugal that she gray-taped her furniture. And when I moved her, Suzanne, she brought all of her gray-taped furniture with her. And that was what was most familiar, and I wasn’t going to object — that’s personal. So let them bring the things that are familiar, and worn, and loved, and comforting, and really take the time to make sure the placement is appropriate for their care needs and their financial needs.

  – And I’m going to add one little caveat in on that. Just because you think mom or dad want to be in a community that’s really fancy, because you think it’s really nice, because they have a fountain in the lobby, and all of these things, that may not be the best fit, the right thing for your loved one. So when you’re looking, really think about them more often. Iit’s more important that they feel like they’re in an environment that’s comfortable. Maybe if mom and dad like to wear sweatpants all day, they’re not going to want to go down to a dining room where they dress up and feel like they have to. Just a side note I want to bring up.

  – Good point. It has to be the right fit, it has to make sense financially. You can protect your loved one’s well being, and emotional well being, by paving that way for that easy transition to the new place.

  – Perfect, perfect, and everyone, Rebecca and I are going to be right back right after this.

• Tips to Facilitate a Senior Home Sale, Part 2

  Suzanne is joined by Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, to provide encouragement, guidance, and tips for families selling the senior home of a loved one.

  First: get your legal paperwork in order. Rebecca says, “We can’t emphasize it enough. People do not want to have these conversations, because it means that there’s gonna come a time when you’re very competent, bright, active, athletic, very sharp mom or dad can’t make decisions for themselves anymore. Nobody wants to imagine that possibility. But when families don’t get those documents in place, then they get caught in crises where somebody needs to be making the decisions and no one has the authority to do so.

  “I’m working with a family right now where the son lives out of state. Mom was declining, he had her power of attorney ready, he sent it to me in an email. We got it recorded with the county. He was able to sign papers for his mom two days later to get her house sold. There was no scramble, there was no stress, and we were able to begin and get funds in for her care immediately. Contrast that with another client I took care of this year, where there wasn’t a power of attorney. His wife is on the house’s title, but she never signed a power of attorney over to her husband, and now had dementia. He couldn’t sell his home because no one could sign for her, and he had to go through three months of a legal conservatorship through the court just to sell his own home. So, that’s the difference between having those papers prepared and not.”

  Second: “If mom or Dad are going to be in the home while the house is getting ready for sale, choose professionals to come in and help your family through this journey who are experienced and understand the delicacy of talking to someone who has advancing dementia or Alzheimer’s. You don’t want someone just barreling in, just because they have a real estate license, and talking about things that are going to cause anxiety and send the person with dementia into a disorientation, into an emotional tailspin, confusing them. This needs a very delicate touch, and it requires experience, empathy, and knowing how to navigate around those big decisions while mom or dad are there, and how to take the important things out of earshot or out of sight. I helped a couple recently, and I knew that she would forget who I was after our visit. I’d visit again and talk to her husband, and she would introduce herself to me over and over on each successive visit, even though we saw each other 30 or 40 times over the course of a few months. I just gently said hello, it’s great to see you. How is your day going? I just smiled, brought a smile to her face. I didn’t try to make her remember me. I’m just there to help her feel comfortable and at ease.

  “For families that are choosing a real estate agent, vet them offsite first. Meet at a Starbucks or a local restaurant, have coffee, talk to them, ask them what is your philosophy of caring for people who have Alzheimer’s or dementia. Find out how they talk about it, see how their inner-personal skills are, before bringing them into the home where mom or dad is, and see you know how they act around those topics. Also, ask about their experience, how many times have they been involved with a situation like this, and find out if they’re experienced. Other elder care providers might be able to give a reference to the real estate agent that is sensitive to that.”

  Learn more at SASH Services or call 888-400-7274. Also check out SASH’s resources at AFE’s website.

  Lead image © Can Stock Photo / DarrenBaker

  Transcript

  – And welcome back everyone to Answers for Elders. And I am here again with Rebecca Bomann from SASH Senior Home Sales Services, SASH Realty. SASH stands for Sell a Senior’s Home. And the beauty of what I love about what SASH does is that, Rebecca, you have devoted your entire career into making things easy for our older adults. And this is a big issue with Alzheimer’s and dementia. because it does require a lot of paperwork, a lot of legal documents, a lot of different things like that at and this is a good topic to talk about. So you’ve got some tips for us.

  – I do, and I work with families on a monthly basis who are in the middle of this situation. Monthly, there’s no month that goes by that I don’t have at least a few families that I’m serving right now where there’s powers of attorney and there’s someone with dementia the family. And so I’m bringing these tips from the trenches. We’re we’re talking about real stuff here. So the thing we wanted to start with, Suzanne, and I know you’ve talked about this on your show in other segments, is how important it is to get the legal paperwork in place for a power of attorney for your senior loved one. And people do not want to have these conversations, because it means that there’s gonna come a time when you’re very competent, bright, active, athletic, very sharp mom or dad can’t make decisions for themselves anymore, and they don’t want to think about that time. Nobody wants to imagine that that’s a possibility. But when families don’t do it, when they don’t take the time to be proactive and get those documents in place, then they get caught in crises where somebody needs to be making the decisions and no one has the authority to do so. And so we just encourage families: you don’t have to be a senior to need a power of attorney. You can get one when you’re 18, when you’re 30, when you’re 45, when you’re 55, who’s your power of attorney? Have it done. Have it done right. And so you had some things you wanted to talk about as well with how to choose that person to help you with their paperwork.

  – Absolutely true. A lot of times, families come to me and say yeah, we have our attorney and I go, oh, really? Yeah, we downloaded it off the Internet. Well, that is not your best friend. To understand the difference between a power of attorney that comes off the internet — really every senior situation is different. Assets are different, their their emotional mental capacity is different. The family dynamics are different. And to have just some form that comes off the Internet, it’s like taking an aspirin when you really need a surgeon. It’s not it’s not gonna necessarily be the best tool for a family. And people will say, well, I don’t want to spend money and go to an attorney. It will probably cost you more money by not having it done properly, and the time and anguish that you’re going to go through if you don’t have the proper documentation is huge.

  – Maybe you have three adult children. One is the first power of attorney. If they’re not able, there’s a successor power of attorney. If they’re not able, there’s a third power of attorney. Those downloadable POAs from the internet are not gonna accommodate that. Also, is it effective immediately, or is it effective only upon a doctor’s letter of incompetency? Those are a distinction that folks don’t think about. And also there’s a power of attorney for medical, and then a different set of language for financial power of attorney. And so you just want to make sure it’s done right. It can be a few hundred dollars, with an affordable attorney nearby, and it’s so worth it. I’m working with a family right now where the son lives out of state. Mom was declining, he had her power of attorney ready, he sent it to me in an email. We got it recorded with the county. He was able to sign papers for his mom two days later to get her house sold. There was no scramble, there was no stress, and we were able to begin and get funds in for her care immediately.

  Contrast that with another client I took care of this year, where there wasn’t a power of attorney. His wife is on title, but she never signed a power of attorney over to her husband. He couldn’t sell his home because no one could sign for her, and he had to go through three months of a legal conservatorship through the court just to sell his own home. So, that’s the difference between having those papers prepared and not. And so that’s our first tip is if you haven’t got it done, do it. Have the hard conversation with mom or dad and say, listen, we cannot wait for this, we need to do this now. We’ll tuck it away, get it notarized, make multiple copies, put it in a safe place. You’ll be so glad that you did.

  Absolutely. That’s a huge, huge thing, and it’s peace of mind for that person to know what the expectations are of them when they say yes, I’ll be your power of attorney. I just had somebody come to me and said, I would like a friend of mine to be my executor when I die. But Suzanne, I want you to help him. Would you be willing to? And right away I went, yes. But I had some stipulations. Between this person who’s going to have the last say, this is somebody I don’t know, so you need to tell us who you want to have the last say. And so those are some things even in the whole thing of a house sale with an executor, I would would assume that that applies as well.

  – Exactly, it really does, and so get your legal paperwork in order. We can’t emphasize it enough.

  The next tip we want to talk about: If mom or Dad are going to be present, and involved with all of the steps ahead — and when I say involved, I don’t mean they’re going to be part of the decision making, but they’re going to be in the home still, they’re gonna be in the living room, they’re going to be in the dining room — choose professionals to come in and help your family through this journey who are experienced and understand the delicacy of talking to someone who has advancing dementia or Alzheimer’s. You don’t want someone just barreling in, just because they have a real estate license, and talking about things that are going to cause anxiety and send the person with dementia into a disorientation, into an emotional tailspin, confusing them. This is a very delicate touch, and it requires experience, it requires empathy, and knowing how to navigate around those big decisions while mom or dad are there, and how to take the important things out of earshot or out of sight.

  – What you’re saying is so important. That’s probably one of my bug-a-boos with the real estate industry, because they give a “Senior Real Estate Specialist” certification, but they don’t teach realtors any of this stuff. This is where I get frustrated. Just because somebody has that title SRES, it doesn’t mean squat, it doesn’t mean anything, because the most important piece is that emotional understanding of where that person is at. Understanding how to communicate — the communication process is the biggest piece.

  – Absolutely critical, And I took that SRES class, Suzanne. I sat through the whole thing, 16 hours, and they don’t teach how to work with homeowners who have advancing dementia or Alzheimer’s, and so, for families that are choosing a real estate agent, a couple of tips: You can actually vet them offsite first. Meet at a Starbucks or a local restaurant, have coffee, talk to them, ask them what is your philosophy of caring for people who have Alzheimer’s or dementia. Find out how they talk about it, see how their inner-personal skills are before bringing them into the home where mom or dad is, and see you know how they act around those topics. Also, say, what is your experience? How many times have you been involved with the situation like this, and find out if they’re experienced, and other elder care providers might be able to give a reference to the real estate agent that is sensitive to that. I helped a couple recently who she, I knew he was her caregiver. She had dementia, and I knew that every time we sat in the living room together, she would forget who I was after our visit, and I’d go back and visit again and talk to her husband, and she would introduce herself to me over and over on each successive visit, even though we saw each other 30 or 40 times over the course of a few months. I just gently said hello, it’s great to see you. How is your day going? I just smiled, brought a smile to her face. I didn’t try to make her remember me. I’m just there to help her feel comfortable and at ease.

  – You’re there in the moment. To really understand, to work with a realtor like that, they have to understand and where the mind is. You know, what’s going on, and that it’s going to be different the next time you show up. So I love that you’re bringing this up.

  – Yeah, and having the sensitivity also that the realtor shouldn’t be coming in and putting a long to-do list on the shoulders of the caregiver, because the caregiver already has a 24-hour job. The realtor shouldn’t be coming in and saying, all right, by Thursday next week or by the first of next month, let’s have the garage cleaned out, get the outside painted, get the driveway pressure washed. They should instead say, I’m here to help you. I have resources, you have an important job and your hands are full. Let me support you. I’ll bring in this, I’ll arrange that, I’ll coordinate this. And this is what, of course, SASH does, is we come in and we bring those resources, so they don’t have that long to do list.

  – I am thrilled that we’re talking about this more, and I bet you have more tips coming.

  – I do.
  – All right, we’ll be right back right after this.

• Tips to Facilitate a Senior Home Sale, Part 1

  Suzanne is joined by Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services (Sell a Senior Home), to provide tips, guidance, and encouragement for families that may have a concern about the care of a senior loved one who has progressive dementia or Alzheimer’s and can no longer take care of themselves anymore. Their home is usually their biggest asset to pay for round-the-clock care that mom or dad needs.

  Families find themselves in an intense situation. The caregiver has to manage mom’s finances, mom’s care — where is she going to move to? What level of care does she need? Doctor’s appointments? And we’ve got this home that she’s lived in for 50 years, it’s full, it hasn’t been ready for market. How in the world are we gonna do this?

  Rebecca says, “I’m working with a family right now where their loved one has dementia and it’s $15,000 a month for around-the-clock care in their home. That is a lot of money. Even if you own your home outright, with that expense you can burn through all the equity in your home in just a couple of years. Financially, it doesn’t make sense to stay at home. And then there’s the safety element: The stove is left on, the doors are left open or unlocked, there’s electrical hazards, there’s fall risks. And family members are going and checking on mom every day, and they’re starting to be so frazzled because of the stress of knowing that mom or dad is in an unsafe environment, and they have just reached that point where it’s time to get mom or dad into a place of care. And, well, we’re gonna have to sell the home to pay for it. And this is where they call us.

  “We’ve got lots of tips and guidelines that we can get into in our next segment, and we just want to be here for you, give you valuable information, support, and this is all based on my years of experience of doing this day in and day out.”

  Learn more at SASH Services or call 888-400-7274. Also check out SASH’s resources at AFE’s website.

  Lead image © Can Stock Photo / comzeal

  Transcript

  And welcome everyone to Answers for Elders Radio Network. And we are here with the wonderful Rebecca Bomann from SASH Services. And Rebecca, I am so excited, we’re going to be talking to our listeners today about: if you have a loved one that has Alzheimer’s dementia, you’re dealing with how to negotiate or bring about a sale of a home, in process of trying to figure out how to get them care. There’s all kinds of moving parts, there’s all kinds of different things, and this is Rebecca’s specialty. And I really want to talk to those families that may have a concern about a loved one that has dementia that are still living at home. You’re concerned about them to a certain degree. So Rebecca, I’m so glad you’re here. And this is a very common program, isn’t it?

  – It is, thank you for having me, Suzanne, as always. We get calls here at SASH from a lot of families who are looking at the care of their senior loved one who is having progressive dementia or Alzheimer’s, and cognitively they’re not able to take care of themselves anymore. They’re not able to make the financial decisions anymore. They’re on that journey which is really hard to be on for the family. And then, right in the middle of it, they’re trying to figure out: how do we pay for mom or dad’s care? And the home is usually the biggest asset, and the most available, to sell in order to pay for that round-the-clock care that mom or dad need. And so what we find is families find themselves in two intense situations at the same time. We’re the caregiver, we have to manage mom’s finances, mom’s care, where is she going to move to? What level of care does she need? Doctor’s appointments? And, holy cannoli, we’ve got this home that she’s lived in for 50 years, it’s full, it hasn’t been ready for market. How in the world are we gonna do this?

  And just this year, Suzanne, I’ve assisted eight families with the sale of their home when there was someone in the family, on title of the home who had dementia or Alzheimer’s, and so you’re absolutely right. It’s very common, and we want to talk about it today. We want to give tips and guidance and encouragement and hopefully your listeners can gather something from our show today where they go, thinking “I’m so glad I listened to that because now I know to do X, Y or Z as I’m navigating this with my family.”

  – You know, Rebecca, it’s been even worse after the pandemic. So many seniors that probably should have had care in some way even during quarantine, and they were still in their homes when they really weren’t safe. This is what I’m learning about more and more, how much being isolated has also escalated symptoms of Alzheimer’s and dementia or things that are going on in the home that you may not realize, like they haven’t cleaned the refrigerator for a year, or they’ve been hoarding things, or they’re not living in a clean environment because they’re not taking care things. They’re not grooming, practicing activities of daily living properly. So they’re not living in a good scenario. And yet there’s this element of fear because “I’ve closed and been living in this bubble. I’m too afraid to go out. I’m too afraid to be more involved in the world.” And that’s been difficult on both the family side, the spouses in the middle of things, oftentimes, with let’s say Dad’s trying to take care of mom the best you can, but Mom’s got dementia, Mom’s not tracking. I mean, I’m sure you’re seeing a lot of that.

  – And you’re so right, Suzanne about the pandemic, because a lot of families were separated from their senior loved ones for months. They were quarantining, mom or dad was in another state or another city at home alone, maybe their symptoms were progressing, and nobody really was around them to see and everyone was so afraid of passing COVID from one to another that I think there was a lot of discoveries made as folks began to sort of connect again and see one another again like, “wow, you know, we really need to do something here, and mom isn’t safe at home anymore. Dad isn’t safe at home.” And we recognize that the senior loved ones, especially when they’re suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s, they want to stay home. We know they want to stay home. Every family wants to give that to them, right? They want to be in their familiar environment with the rooms they love, the decor they love, the furniture they’re comfortable in, the neighborhood they’re comfortable in.

  But there comes that time when it just doesn’t work anymore. Financially, it doesn’t work because, even if you get caregivers in the home to take care of mom or dad — I’m working with a family right now where their loved one has dementia and they have 24-hour caregivers in their home, and Suzanne, it’s $15,000 a month for around-the-clock care in their home. Now, $15,000 a month is a lot of money. And even if you own your home outright, and you’ve paid your home off years ago, you can burn through all the equity in your home in just a couple of years, putting out $15,000 a year. So financially, it doesn’t make sense to stay at home. And then of course there’s the safety element, right? The stove is left on, the doors are left open or unlocked, there’s electrical hazards, there’s fall risks. And family members are going and checking on mom every day, and they’re starting to be so frazzled because of the stress of knowing that Mom’s in an unsafe environment, or Dad’s in an unsafe place, that they just reached that point where it’s time. It’s time to get mom or dad into a place of care. And, well, we’re gonna have to sell the home to pay for it. And this is where they call us. This is where our guidance begins many times, and when I come into a situation where I’m working directly with those powers of attorneys, so we do want to talk directly to these folks today. We want to encourage you, give you guidance, give you tips and support and guidelines for what to do ahead and spend our time this way.

  – And you know, I am glad we’re having this conversation because so often it’s like the power of attorney or that person that’s in in charge, they’re also getting a lot of stories from other people in the family. And I think one of the things that everybody that’s listening to this podcast has to understand is that everything is different. You know, everybody’s perspective is different. Their experiences of mom and dad, and dementia is funny, because I’ve seen it, I saw it with my own mother. They can rise to the occasion and act totally normal for a period of time. You say mom and dad can’t live by themselves anymore, and then family goes to the house, and mom or dad just rises up to the occasion, and they are just fine, and then they fall apart after that child has gone. Understand that everybody has a different experience. If you’re not seeing it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. And that’s the thing that I think you’re gonna talk a lot about. Trust the power of attorney, and your job as a sibling is to support whatever that power of attorney believes. And I think that’s really an important part of this conversation, is it not?

  – Yes, and I tell families often just because I work with this so much and I see it, is I say, there’s moments of lucidity. This is not an on or off switch that, since it’s off, it’s always off as far as cognitive abilities and memory, there’s moments of lucidity where they’re just like you’re saying, they rise to the occasion, they’re perfectly clear, they’re remembering things, they’re talking clearly, they know what happened yesterday. Then a few hours later, they will have no memory of anything that happened that morning. And one sibling might have one interaction, and the other sibling might have the other interaction, and so I think what you’re saying, and I really agree with you, is give the caregivers the benefit of the doubt, believe them when they say things are starting to slip, and it’s starting to become unsafe and we may need to start making decisions and looking to the next few months of care.

  – And that’s the thing I think that’s really important with all of this is as I always say that person was made a power of attorney for a reason. And if your parent or your loved one appointed that person while they were still lucid, it’s because they trusted that person to make those kind of decisions. And I think it’s important that we all understand what our role is. Who’s on first, who’s on second, as somebody says, that first baseman, that pitcher, whoever’s taking care of that person, they’re the ones that need to be supported, and your input is welcomed, I would hope, but also understand that the less that the person who has the last say is the power of attorney.

  – And they have a difficult job, hard decisions. They’re being second guessed, they’re being armchair quarterbacked by people. They’re often getting guilt trips from folks.

  – They’re being ostracized because people get angry with them if they have to make an unpopular decision. That happened with my family, and we’ve talked about that. You’re in a very difficult scenario when you’re the power of attorney, but you also have the mindset to be able to do that. You know this person, you can advocate for this person, and I think that’s really why I’m excited about talking about this. So, anyway, I’m looking forward to diving into this.

  – Yes, we’ve got lots of tips and guidelines that we can get into in our next segment, and we just want to be here for you, give you valuable information, support, and this is all based on my years of experience of doing this day in and day out.

  – Well, Rebecca, I can’t wait, and so in the meantime, everyone, Rebecca Bomann and I are going to be right back right after this.

• Eight Tips for Selling Your Home in a Changing Market, Part 4

  Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, summarizes her eight tips to make your home sale more successful in a changing real estate market. See her previous segments in this hour for details about each of the tips.

  People have seen price reductions and seeing a 45-day period to sell their home after the crazy seller’s market. Recently in the Pacific northwest, about 1,900 homes were new listings, while 2,100 reduced their price and 400+ canceled the listings. Your broker should bring this sort of data tailored to your specific local market, and their communication skills are of paramount importance. Homes sell every week of the year, every season, every economic cycle. If you didn’t list in the spring in summer, you don’t have to wait till next year. You can list on Thanksgiving. Rebecca once listed a house on December 23rd and got seven offers before the end of the year.

  You can still have a successful sale if you follow the tips: 1) Presentation matters. 2) Study your competition. 3) Price in the sweet spot. 4) Broken should have a multifaceted marketing plan. 5) Interview potential real estate brokers. 6) Buyers can ask for concessions. 7) The best offer usually comes during the first week. 8) Be collaborative with potential buyers.

  Find SASH Services at sashservices.com or sashrealty.com, or call 888-400-SASH.

  Lead image © Can Stock Photo / rmarmion

• Eight Tips for Selling Your Home in a Changing Market, Part 3

  Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, provides more tips to make your home sale more successful. Sellers should expect these things in a changing real estate market.

  6) It’s OK for buyers to ask for concessions such as help with closing costs now that interest rates are rising. Buyers can ask for inspections and for repairs to be made prior to closing. Appraisal work orders are being seen now, all normal. Also, contingent sales — allowing extra closing time for the buyer to sell their home and lease options may come up. No seller should take offense; these are normal concessions.

  7) The best offer usually comes during the first week. You will have the most traffic your first week. Don’t wait for a better one; don’t scare away the only buyer you have now in hopes of getting a different one, though you should encourage negotiation and multiple offers.

  8) Take good care of your potential buyers. When you have one or two potential buyers, you want to be friendly, accommodating, and flexible. You both want to close the sale, so collaborate to tackle and solve obstacles together.

  Hear some general market statistics and a summary of Rebecca’s tips in our next segment. Find SASH Services at sashservices.com or sashrealty.com, or call 888-400-SASH.

  © Can Stock Photo / Feverpitched

• Eight Tips for Selling Your Home in a Changing Market, Part 2

  Continuing from part 1, SASH Services founder Rebecca Bomann provides more tips to make your home sale more successful in a changing real estate market.

  2) Study your competition. Look at who is listing their home now, how are they priced, how do they compare to your home. Swipe through photos on real estate apps.

  3) Price your home in the sweet spot: not so high that nobody comes to see it, not so low that you feel you left money on the table. Pick your sale price one or two days before listing, not earlier. Buyers are very well educated, can easily check comparative prices on their phones, can tell if a house is priced too high, or how many price drops you’ve had. Don’t base it on what your neighbor got six months ago; it must be priced based on current market data. If you get a lot of activity the first week, it’s priced right. If you have no offers after a few weeks, then it’s priced too high and it should be reduced 3-5 percent. The market never lies.

  4) Have a multifaceted marketing plan. You can’t just put it on the market and expect a flood of offers. Your real estate broker needs to earn their commission: Host 2-3 open houses the first week, some in twilight hours for people just off work; make gorgeous flyers on nice paper to show pride of ownership; make excellent video or virtual tours; promote online on social media and in real estate apps to drive traffic.

  5) Interview potential real estate brokers. Research who you’re going with. How do they showcase other listings? Don’t just pick your nephew because they’re related. There’s so much at stake when the proceeds are going to fund your care for the rest of your life — you don’t want to leave money on the table.

  Hear more tips in our next segment. Find SASH Services at sashservices.com or sashrealty.com, or call 888-400-SASH.

  © Can Stock Photo / docent

• Eight Tips for Selling Your Home in a Changing Market, Part 1

  The real estate has shifted since May. You can still enjoy a successful change in your home sale, but a few expectations have changed. Since the pandemic in March 2020, it’s been a frenzied seller’s market with high sale prices and multiple offers. You can always count on the market changing, and now the market is leveling to become less lopsided. 18% yearly appreciation, having to make offers on multiple homes, waiving inspections, waiving appraisals, non-refundable earnest money, with little inventory available for sale is not a sustainable situation. It was fun for sellers for a couple of years, but a balanced market where buyers have some leverage is a more stable market.

  Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, provides tips to make your home sale more successful in a changing real estate market. You can still sell a home within a few days, but you need to follow our tips to make that happen. The first tip: Presentation matters. During the seller’s market, you’d see sellers leaving garbage cans out in front of the house and brokers taking dark, fuzzy photos. Today, sellers need to present a clean, well-lit, uncluttered home. Put your home in its Sunday best. Pack up or sell some of the things you don’t need because it will photograph better, and insist on professional photography. You don’t have to do all the work yourself. SASH Services can take care of the hard work, the downsizing, sprucing up, and moving parts so you can just worry about moving into your new destination. Hear more tips in the next segments.

  Find SASH Services at sashservices.com or sashrealty.com, or call 888-400-SASH.

  Lead image © Can Stock Photo / Feverpitched

• How Unscrupulous Family Members Exploit Seniors

  This hour focuses on the major ways that senior homeowners can be taken advantage of through the process of selling their home. This final segment may surprise some listeners — one of the biggest sources of folks to take advantage of seniors are their own family members. The family should be there, advocating and having a loved one’s best interests in mind, but that’s not always the case. Some of the worst offenses come from their own family. Suzanne is joined by Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, who provides some real examples and a couple of takeaways from this topic.

  Click to learn more about Rebecca Bomann and SASH Services.

• How Unscrupulous Real Estate Agents Exploit Seniors

  This segment elaborates on ways that seniors can be taken advantage of by unscrupulous real estate agents. Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, joins Suzanne to discuss this topic. Rebecca has a lot of respect for her fellow agents, and there are a lot of really good real estate professionals in this industry. But like any industry, there are a few who are incompetent, insensitive, unscrupulous, or don’t know how to address the special needs of senior home owners. Because they come in as a professional, with their license and business card, sometimes seniors don’t think they need to be vetted and assume everything they do is above board. Unfortunately this isn’t always true. Rebecca describes a few ways real estate agents can take advantage of a senior or be harmful to them in the sale of their home. Also, she provides advice for choosing a good agent, to interview multiple agents and make them earn your trust, and that a good broker explains everything you’re signing.

  Click to learn more about Rebecca Bomann and SASH Services.

• How Unscrupulous Home Flippers & Investors Exploit Seniors

  This segment describes ways that unscrupulous house flippers and investors can take advantage of seniors. They’re looking to get deals, to purchase a property for less than market value. But if you’re 80 years old, hard of hearing, with family living out of town, and a flipper visits you using some of these strategies, it’s disgraceful. Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, joins Suzanne to describe various ways house flippers try to take advantage of seniors, as well ways to offset this and protect yourself from these tactics.

  Click to learn more about Rebecca Bomann and SASH Services.

• How Unscrupulous Home Sellers Exploit Seniors

  This hour focuses on ways that senior homeowners can be taken advantage of during the process of selling their home. This is the sale of their biggest asset to be able to pay for their care for the rest of their life, which they may have lived in for many decades, and the biggest financial transaction of their retirement years. Rebecca Bomann, CEO and founder of SASH Services, joins Suzanne to delve into this important topic for senior homeowners as well as their family members and caregivers.

  Everyone who knows a senior and has a senior loved one in their life will want to pay attention. We think it’s important for people to know that this is a possibility, that folks can be vulnerable to this. We’ll talk about ways that this can happen and how it can be prevented, with specific examples. The next segments focus on incidents that can happen specifically with home flippers & investors, real estate agents, and even family members. Click to learn more about Rebecca Bomann and SASH Services.

• Tips For When a Parent Moves: How Should Money Be Spent?

  How should money be spent during a senior loved one’s move? It’s very emotional and sensitive time, with parents and their adult children having different perspectives and agendas.

  Rebecca Bomann, the CEO of SASH Services, and Suzanne Newman talk about these perspectives. Adult children are worried about the parents’ money lasting long enough for their care. They worry that they might have to mortgage their own home in a few years to pay for their Mom’s care. Unless parents have set aside a nest egg, it’s a concern because the cost of care is so high that proceeds from a home sale might only pay for care for a handful of years. Sometimes they don’t want their parent to sell the home because they expect that home to be there for them when their loved one passes away.

  Meanwhile, what’s best for Mom in her situation? She’s alone, doesn’t see friends, needs social activities, needs medical care, the home has become too much to care for, and the home needs to be sold to fund further care. Sometimes mom intends to bequeath her home to her family, and she places her sense of duty above her own care.

• Tips For When a Parent Moves: Who Helps With Packing?

  Who helps Mom through the sorting, packing and moving process? Everyone is well-meaning. Some Moms expect that their adult children will take four months’ leave from work to go through every box, glass, and cross-stitch, remembering back to when family did that for each other. Many of today’s adult children can’t imagine how they’d be able to take leave from their job, travel out of state, and pay for a flight to sort through decades of household items – they’re overwhelmed by that idea, and it causes tension in the relationship. Their perspective is that a professional downsizer could do that, as they’re often already handing their loved one’s paperwork and finances. Mom is stressed and feels she needs her children by her side during this challenging time and advocate for her – “what else could be more important than helping me through this major life event?” They feel hurt and abandoned when their child isn’t the one helping.

  Some adult children want to help. Rebecca Bomann, the CEO of SASH Services, and Suzanne Newman provide their best advice: Don’t do it. Outsource it. Only do it if you want to throw a grenade into family relationships. Let professionals be the bad guy. Let them say you can’t take seven lamps to your new apartment, let them say your couch won’t fit in the new space, let them bring their strong backs and haul that china cabinet down the stairs.

  This is an investment in the sale of the house, as an uncluttered house will sell for more money, and you’ll recoup the cost. Or the items could be sold to pay for movers and professionals.

  How do you choose professionals for this process? Mom sees this as an overwhelming, scary, unknown process, so she wants people who will be nice to her, won’t judge her for the house’s condition, won’t scold her for not having kept up on the back yard maintenance, who are going to be kind and compassionate. So she decides based on comfort and familiarity, on how polite they are, even if those people are incompetent and don’t know how to pack glassware.

  The pragmatic adult child — already the caregiver, bookkeeper, and overall emotional supporter — has a system. They ask friends for recommendations, get Google reviews, read websites, check social media, might call and ask prospective clients a list of questions. They take a clinical and systematic approach to finding someone competent and affordable to do the task.

  Neither perspective is wrong – they’re both right. Rebecca recommends that adult children select a number of professionals, all of whom they’d be comfortable with hiring. Let Mom interview them and choose the one she likes best. This gives Mom dignity and agency — lets her own the decision — while helping her choosing from among the best candidates.

   

• Tips For When a Parent Moves: Their Pet

  Adult children and their aging parents have wildly differing perspectives on moving. In this segment, Rebecca Bomann, the CEO of SASH Services, and Suzanne Newman talk about building a bridge to understanding each others’ perspectives when it comes to the senior loved one’s pet, which befuddles many adult children.

  Adult children are thinking of a monthly budget, trying to make funds last as long as possible, and are concerned about how that’s affected by an animal’s daily care, walks, feeding, medication, and vet care. They think that Mom could have moved to one community for $3,500 a month, but she’s going to spend $2,000 a month more so she can keep her dog, and they have trouble understanding why. They think: why not go without the dog and spend less money?

  Mom, however, sees the pet as a family member who gives joy, love, companionship, and comfort. Moving already means giving up everything else — home, neighborhood, rose bushes, vehicles, plants, porch. If moving means parting from my dog or cat, my heart will be broken, so I’m never moving.

  Don’t fight parents on this – it is too important to your senior loved one.

  Lead image: © Can Stock Photo / creatista

• Tips For When a Parent Moves: Household Items

  When it’s time for a senior loved one’s downsizing, their adult children may not quite understand or relate to the parents’ perspective earned from living 50 years in their home as they see more pragmatic concerns about home repairs and time-consuming chores, and want to schedule moving deadlines based on available free time.

  Rebecca Bomann, the CEO of SASH Services, and Suzanne Newman talk about how to do right by our parents while helping them transition from a long-standing residence in their home to senior living. Adult children have a much different perspective than their parents, and it often causes painful conflicts. Rebecca encourages each party to use empathy, compassion and understanding, take time to listen to each other’s perspectives so families can remain healthy after the stressful transition. Remember the big goal: it’s not about who gets the spoon collection.

  Household items are a good example. Mom’s sees every item as having valuable memories, happy times, a reflection of the events in her life, and when she leaves, she wants to bequeath each item to a specific family member who will enthusiastically take it and appreciate it. Adult children see older items that they don’t have room for.

  Use kind words to describe the belongings. These are collections, belongings, household items that are going to a new home, not “stuff” or “junk.” Encourage Mom to give items to displaced families, immigrants who have fled their countries, or women who have fled abusive situations — people who could really use Tupperware sets and lamps; donate these items to Habitat for Humanity, for example. Or maybe sell a few items to help buy new ones for the new apartment. Let senior loved ones talk about these items of significance.

  This is not the time to say that we’ve heard the story before; we don’t have time to hear it again. Let them share — listen to the story — because it’s part of letting go.

• 12 Tips to Sell Your Home, Part 4

  Rebecca Bomann, the CEO of SASH Services, joins Suzanne Newman to talk about tips to help get your house ready to be sold. Continuing from part 3, in this segment Rebecca shares two more low-cost suggestions to maximize your net proceeds at the end of the sale.

  11. Add a fresh scent: Apple cinnamon or raspberry, with fragrances that aren’t plugged in chemicals that could trigger allergies, a bowl of pot pourri, providing a pleasant scent.

  12. Leave while it’s listed. If you’re still living in the house, and have to make the bed, do dishes, and clean laundry before each showing, that keeps buyers waiting. Eight showings in a day means eight times to get ready. If at all possible, don’t be in the home during the first two weeks of the listing. This is the most active time of the listing. Rebecca sold a home yesterday that had 84 showings. Imagine being in your 70s or 80s and getting up and disrupted 84 times. Showings can be booked from 8 a.m. to 9 p.m., and if each one is 30 minutes long, that is 26 possible showings per day. If you limit times when prospective buyers can visit, you’re narrowing the buyer pool, and discouraging buyers from coming in. Stay with family, visit the grandchildren, or have a respite stay at a senior community. They’re affordable, safe, clean, and have people their age. They’ll also experience what it’s like. Some communities will let you move in early and defer fees until your house is sold. Also, there are affordable pet-friendly, air B&Bs with no stairs where you can book an extended stay. If I offered you $20,000 to stay away for two weeks, would you take it? That’s how much more you could make, or more. When you’re not there, you’re maximizing availability and opportunity, keeping your home show-ready the whole time.

  SASH Services (Sell a Senior Home) was founded in 2005 as a blend of real estate, senior care, and social work to provide seniors and their families with home-sale options that are not typical, that are designed around their needs. They provide specialized services that lift the selling burden off the senior homeowner and their family while maximizing what can be earned from the home. SASH serves most of western Washington in the Pacific Northwest. If you’re out of state, they can steer you to a qualified professional in your area. Find more at the SASH Services website or call 888-400-SASH.

• 12 Tips to Sell Your Home, Part 3

  Rebecca Bomann, the CEO of SASH Services, joins Suzanne Newman to talk about tips to help get your house ready to be sold. Continuing from part 2, in this segment Rebecca shares more low-cost suggestions to maximize your net proceeds at the end of the sale. Expenses can be paid for by following the tips from part 1.

  7. Pressure wash the outside. You don’t have to repaint the exterior, but a light pressure washing will give it a bath, removing dust and cobwebs. Also, driveways, walkways, and stairs will remove moss and rocks. You can rent a pressure washer or have a professional do it. Don’t wash the room; it will take years off its life.

  8. Buy a new welcome mat — a welcoming, modern mat for the front door.

  9. Clean up the patio. Rececca has seen flower pots with dying plants, wind chimes, drink cups, potting soil, garden gnomes, umbrellas, and more. It’s important for people to see the yard as an extension of the house, like an outside living room, so dress it up just as well as the living room. Declutter and wash it. Leave two chairs and some fresh flowers nearby. Clean a BBQ.

  10. Retro decor is OK. Sometimes people have older finishes in their home: dark paneling from the 70s, avocado counters, pink tile in bathrooms, or bright-colored carpets. People fear that they’ll have to renovate all that, but that’s a myth. We can make it look great and still get bidding wars, just by following the other tips. By not renovating, you’re appealing to people who want to do their own updating, and it will be priced less so more buyers can afford it. Right now, the market is such that it’s not profitable to renovate. People who appraise and finance your house don’t worry about its appearance, but rather things like the age of the roof, the condition of the furnace, and that there are no electrical hazards. It’s already stressful to move, so why add to that with the stress of doing renovations? If you only have a limited amount of money to spend, spend it on things that help a buyer qualify to buy it, so that it passes an inspection and appraises well.

  SASH Services (Sell a Senior Home) was founded in 2005 as a blend of real estate, senior care, and social work to provide seniors and their families with home-sale options that are not typical, that are designed around their needs. They provide specialized services that lift the selling burden off the senior homeowner and their family while maximizing what can be earned from the home. SASH serves most of western Washington in the Pacific Northwest. If you’re out of state, they can steer you to a qualified professional in your area. Find more at the SASH Services website or call 888-400-SASH. Listen to part 4 for more tips.

• 12 Tips to Sell Your Home, Part 2

  Rebecca Bomann, the CEO of SASH Services, joins Suzanne Newman to talk about tips to help get your house ready to be sold. Sometimes it seems too hard to stay and too hard to move. Wondering where to even begin? Continuing from part 1, in this segment Rebecca shares more low-cost suggestions to maximize your net proceeds at the end of the sale. Any expenses can be paid for by following the tips from Part 1.

  3. Take down heavy drapes and window coverings. When you put a home on the market, you want to show off the view and allow natural light to come in, as it makes each room and the whole house feel bigger, more cheerful, welcoming and inviting. It makes a big difference.

  4. Swap out old and low-watt bulbs for bright new ones. It avoids dark hallways and closets, at least 60 watt bulbs, so each room is well lit.

  5. Remove family photos and paintings. When prospective buys see family photos, they feel like they’re intruding on your privacy. Leave two or three, but pack up the rest. It cleans, declutters, and makes rooms look bigger. Let a down-sizer explain the reasoning, while family members can be supportive. Acknowledge how special the home is, compliment all of the photos and art, while explaining that these photos and paintings will get packed for moving, so pack these items now, so prospective buyers will be able envision the home as it might be for them.

  6. Do a professional deep cleaning. Let a professional do it. They will even clean the tops of doorways and ceiling fans, clean blinds, and get behind doors and fridges. A sparkly clean house will smell good.

  SASH Services (Sell a Senior Home) was founded in 2005 as a blend of real estate, senior care, and social work to provide seniors and their families with home-sale options that are not typical, that are designed around their needs. They provide specialized services that lift the selling burden off the senior homeowner and their family while maximizing what can be earned from the home. SASH serves most of western Washington in the Pacific Northwest. If you’re out of state, they can steer you to a qualified professional in your area. Learn more at the SASH Services website or call 888-400-SASH, and listen to part 3 for more tips.

• 12 Tips to Sell Your Home, Part 1

  Rebecca Bomann, the CEO of SASH Services, joins Suzanne Newman to talk about tips to help get your house ready to be sold. Rebecca has used these tips herself, helping hundreds of families. Whether you’re an empty-nester or looking for a senior loved one who’s lived in their house for 50 years, often a move seems like a mountain of a challenge.

  These low-cost suggestions will maximize your net proceeds:

  1. Pack first. Everyone plans to bring most things when they move, but the mistake is waiting to pack till after photography and listing, which makes a house look full and prevents prospective buyers from envisioning their own belongings in your house. Pack prior to photography, as many things as you don’t need daily, putting it in the garage or a storage unit. Your house will show so much better.
  2. Sell some things. For people feeling pressured by the costs of getting everything ready, keep in mind some things probably won’t be moved into a new place. Some items won’t fit, or there’s an old record collection not listened to in decades, or maybe some World War II memorabilia in the attic. These items could be auctioned or sold in order to pay money for sprucing up the house. Even a few hundred or thousand raised help. And it helps empty the house for moving. A live garage sale, estate sales, online auction sites, and for sale apps. Learn more at the SASH Services website or call 888-400-SASH.